power books

I took my day off today and I just can't seem to stay here in the house. Actually I even prefer going to the office than to spend my day here because of some reasons. So even if it's just me myself and I, I go somewhere else...well not really somewhere else. I never miss going around Landmark, walking through Glorietta to SM and of course Power Books.
I went there today and I think it's one of the good places where I can just let the time pass without really noticing it. It has a good atmosphere and the books of different genres are just so irrisistable to read.
I always admire the owner of that store (though I don't know who) because it allows bookworms and enthusiasts to browse and even get a book and read it... I mean really read it.I guess it's just so unselfish. They even provide comfortable couches for you to read. I like that place.

flash from the past

I have this very good friend ah maybe I should say this person who I considered a very good friend but I was hurt because I felt that she didn't trust me. Maybe I still feel bad whenever I remember what happened. I just don't know how to describe this feeling, I've forgiven her but remembering what happened before still gives a pang of pain. It's like I forgive but I can't forget. Ah is that possible? I don't like myself for being like that but I can't be hypocrite and pretend that everything is ok and everything is back to what it's used to be because deep inside I know that things will never be the same again.
And I hate having this pride... or maybe this is not just merely a pride(am i trying to justify what I feel?)
I still miss my friend, Heidi but I'm still hurt whenever I remember what happened when she didn't trust me. I did feel like I wasn't her friend, did feel betray of. Now I'm torn between keeping in touch with her or not. I know she's been trying to reach out but then I'm keeping my distance. I don't know but a part of me feels that everything has changed and the friendship that we once had was just a distant memory. Stupid me. :(

30 days

So I finally submitted my resignation letter in spite of all the uncertainties. I'm sure there are good things that await. Right! Be positive! After all, this was my "original" plan. Whatever happens I hope everything is going to be fine.

...it's not easy to be me

I remember that song Superman by was it Five for Fighting? Fight For Fighting? Ah I'm lazy to google it.
I'm so confused right now. I am so tickle minded and so indecisive. God I don't know what to do. I want to resign from my job but a part of me doesn't want to. Gosh what am I gonna do. I guess I should list down why I want to say and list down the things and reasons why I want to leave. Um didn't I do that before? Gosh! How many resignation letters have I made already that I haven't passed yet? I made one last Monday then edited it last Tuesday and printed another one today...goodness...so indecisive. I guess I should make one for every day until I get decided and don't get cold feet.

I want to resign because: (in random order)
1. I want to go home.
2. I just can't see myself staying there (in the company) for a long time... for years maybe.
3. I can't save with my salary. It's like it's just enough for my expenses and stuff like that.
4. I want to give it a try in other companies.
5. I want to do something that I can be proud of myself something like I can say I have achieved something and maybe I'll make it if I will venture and find where I belong.
6. If I think about the future I wonder how long the company will be there. Well I guess it is stable and doing fine even this time of recession.
7. I want to try working related in my field of study (but I lack confidence because I haven't done it ever since I graduated from univ)


I don't want to resign because: (in random order)
1. It's kinda tiring to start anew... undergoing a new training, adjusting with the environment and people and even time.
2. I feel somehow comfortable there already with good friends around.
3. The "open" OT sounds good.
4. If I will go home and find a job there I'm still not ready to just settle there for good. I like going home but I'm still not interested in working there (Iloilo).


I'm still so undecided. One moment I'm sure then another moment I'm not. Oh girl!
Help! I need advice.

what time is it?

When I was in the office earlier this evening, I was thinking of writing the things that I like about my day today but I could only think of one particular thing ok make it two. So anyway, it was a pretty good day. My TM was not around so I felt good I mean it's more comforting that she's not around...haha... but well what I liked today was that I enjoyed dinner though it's only for 30 minutes. I couldn't even savor what I was eating to the fullest but anyway I was pretty full that until now I still don't feel hungry, I can still feel my heavy stomach (I usually get hungry when I get back home actually).
I had and even my co-workers had a good laugh today. It was like 11:46 when I hurriedly logged out from my PC thinking that it's my last break when I heard my co-worker said that it's break time. It was only after logging out that I realized that I already had my last break, which is at 10:45. I laughed out at myself realizing how lost I was then they were just laughing at me and with me. But it was fun though. After all the not so good news in the office, who doesn't want a good laugh?
I saw SM today and I was a bit irritated when I smiled at him and he didn't smiled back. Actually it's because he was walking fast and didn't look immediately on our direction until it was in a fraction of second when he looked on our direction but too late because there's a wall that blocked us. Anyway I was still a little annoyed but it's a nice thing too so that I will not go gaga over him. So maybe I will start not to really like him that much from now on. From now on I will not get too excited whenever I see him around. I will not look on his direction when he's passing by our bay... ok, I'll try... yes I will.

shit happens

I was a bit pissed off at myself when I saw my score card last April 12 (yeah i guess that was the date) it's so depressing seeing that "circle" goodness... i hate it. I don't want to leave a mark like that. I've been thinking about my plan of submitting my resignation letter but geez until now i haven't made up my mind as to when to submit it. Part of me still wants to stay because I've been able to build a comfort zone there and it's gonna be difficult again looking for a new job. I've been wanting to go home and stay there for a while but I'm afraid too that I might just not find a job for so long and I might just enjoy the comfort, simple and worry-free life. But I miss my famlily back home I mean I'm just here and I want to see them for a while too. I miss my niece, Sage especially because she can speak really well now and I'm glad everytime I hear her voice.
Gee, so many things to do, so little time, don't have enough money.
But anyway, I think Derek is really cute. The first time that I saw him I thought that he was cute and then weeks passed by and I thought he wasn't cute nor nice but then again lately I think he's cute. And i can't believe he's just 22. I mean well he looks older than he's age but he doesn't look old at all. He looks like he's 28 but real cute. I don't even know if cute is the right word. Well I can't use the word handsome because I don't think he is but yeah he's good looking and he looks vain too. But I guess Steve has a more gorgeous eyes than him. Steve is still cuter only that Derek is sexier than him....hahaha... but Steve is good looking even if he's chubby. He got this Mr Nice Guy look.

soo teeny

It's Good Friday, yeah Holy Week. I believe the malls are close today...not that it would make a difference on my day. I just thought that today was just a hell of a boring day. But it's holy week, ain't I'm supposed to do penance or something?
Felt like I'm trapped in this 4-wall, trapped myself here. Watched a a movie or two, surf the net, did my laundry...all those stuff then watched a movie then found myself sleepy so i did took a nap around 7:00pm then managed to wake up around 9 just in time to watch a movie in star movies...what a day and now sleep just doesn't seem to be saying hello yet. I think I'm becoming more like a night owl(i wonder why it's called night owl, I mean there's no morning or day owl, right, why not just call it owl?) .Can you believe that I didn't sleep last night? I've fallen asleep around 7:00 this morning and woke up around 12:00 noon.
Anyway, there's nothing much to say here. I just read my friend's blog and was thought of writing some stuff again (though it looks more like a plain and simple yada yada yada). Well what can I do? I can't get myself to sleep and it's like there's no one around to talk to.
Anyway, moving on...I guess one of the not so many things that make me smile these days is that good-looking guy "somewhere" (so I'll settle for that good-looking term and "somewhere".) Good thing he doesn't know it or I'll be so conscious. I just love those eyes, so charming. Shoot - for your eyes only. And better keep reminding myself that.
It's like that feeling when you are a teen(which I no longer fall on that category :p)And you feel like your heart is jumping every time you see him. Ah so teeny weeny, so high school eh..but it then makes you feel happy and smiling...corny! But of course just don't lose the sense of reality. What the heck.